Gossiping in the Workplace
“I contacted Joel to help increase my confidence and visibility. He helped me identify barriers that kept me in the background and we developed a plan to overcome them. I now speak up more at meetings, work on high-profile projects and have just completed an article for publication.”
Cecilia Willer, Partner Business Manager, HEWLETT-PACKARD
You may not have a water cooler or a coffee room, but if you’re in a workplace with more than two people, you’ve got gossip!
There’s really no positive outcome to gossip in the workplace. It’s a huge time waster, it ruins morale, and it can spread faster than a bad cold. Exerting strong leadership means learning to rein in gossip before it impacts the organization. Let’s take a look at how to avoid gossip in the workplace, how to address it when you hear it, and what to do if the gossip is about you.
How to Stop Gossip at Work
If you perceive that gossip is a problem in your office, what should you do? You may not be able to change the corporate culture overnight, but you can change your own way of relating to it with these ten positive steps.
- Review your company policy.
… if you have one that speaks to ethics-related matters. If you don’t, and you’re in a position to propose one, that would probably be a wise course of action.
- Observe
Before launching yourself into office politics, observe. See how people relate to one another, learning the unofficial roles that certain individuals in your workplace have adopted. If you notice that one person consistently makes trouble, try to have as little interaction with that person as possible (unless they’re one of your direct reports, in which case you’ll need to handle the problem head-on!).
- Be busy.
Gossipmongers want attention. If you’re delving into your work, you can’t be available to appreciate their latest tales.
- Don’t participate.
If gossip happens, let it stop with you. If someone passes a “juicy story” on to you, don’t pass it any further. Take personal responsibility to act with integrity.
- Turn it around.
Say something positive about the person being attacked. Voicing something complimentary about the person will help take the wind out of the rumor’s sails. It can also be a tactful way to discourage the sharing of gossip in general.
- Keep your private life private.
Don’t trust coworkers with personal information. Remember, if they are gossiping about others, they will gossip about you too. Don’t give them ammunition.
- Choose your friends wisely at work.
You spend a good deal of time at work, so it’s natural for friendships to develop. Share information sparingly until you are sure that you have built up a high level of trust.
- Behave appropriately at work.
Remember that certain types of information are not appropriate for workplace discussions. Keep work conversations professional.
- Be direct.
You know you are morally correct by not gossiping. So does the one spreading the gossip. If you confront that person and confidently tell him that such behavior is making you and other coworkers uncomfortable, it’s likely to stop.
- Don’t be afraid to go to a superior.
Gossiping wastes a lot of company time and hurts morale. A company interested in a healthy work environment will value the opportunity to correct this type of situation.
By eliminating gossip, you’ll greatly improve time management in your organization. Dealing with gossip appropriately will help you establish yourself as a leader and foster a positive work environment that boosts retention and instills a sense of psychological safety.
But what if the gossip pertains to you? This is a trickier situation, to be sure, but implementing the plan I share in the next section will help ensure you emerge unscathed.
What If the Gossip or Rumors in the Workplace Is about You? 7 Steps to Dispel the Drama
Client Jonathan Asks: Several of my coworkers like to spread stories without checking to make sure they are true. Recently, someone shared an inaccurate and unfavorable story about me. What can I do to mitigate the damage?
Coach Joel Answers: Everyone is susceptible to gossip stories at work. But what if the stories are about you? And, even more disturbing, what if they are erroneous and could harm your reputation? If this happens to you, it’s important to take action. Once unfavorable stories get created, they often get locked into others’ perception of who you are. This perception becomes their reality.
You can have 50 examples of trustworthiness and one false representation, and this one malicious incident will undermine everything else.
During your constant interactions at work, it’s possible that things you do might get misinterpreted or overblown. For example, a coworker might feel miffed that you didn’t get one assignment done on time, causing her to brand you as unreliable—even though you get 95% of your work done early. While she’s technically correct that you fell short in this one instance, you don’t deserve for that to be cemented into your reputation. In other words,
a story might be true, but often it doesn’t reflect who you really are at work. The problem is, one or two negative stories that spread across the workplace can create an inaccurate perception of who you are.
7-Step Process to Help You Deal With Gossip at Work
Here is a seven-step process to help you deal with workplace gossip and change negative misperceptions into positive (or neutral) ones:
Step 1: Gather information about the unfavorable story.
Without getting emotional or defensive, gather as much information as you can about the unfavorable story. This fact-gathering stage is crucial. You don’t want to fly off the handle, confront someone, and make matters even worse (e.g., be seen as a loose cannon as well as unreliable).
Step 2: Dispel the unfavorable story.
Go to the source of the story—the person who believes or is communicating the misperception—and explain your situation. Discuss your perspective and what you felt actually happened. Provide enough information for the other person to understand the truth from your perspective. You could say, “Hi, Carla. I hear you may have some concerns about my delay in completing the assignment. Could you tell me about them?” Then, after hearing the other person out, provide your perspective of why this happened and how it relates to your general pattern of reliability.
Step 3: Ask about other misperceived stories.
Ask the other person if they would like to discuss anything else related to your performance or communication. If she does, explain what actually happened from your point of view versus what was perceived, helping her understand how these stories or claims could have been misinterpreted. Leveraging effective communication skills will help improve this relationship.
Step 4: Take responsibility for what you did.
Even though you may not agree with the story being shared, you most likely can find some things that you can be accountable for. Show that you have learned a lesson and express what you’re taking away from this situation. Come up with some examples of what you’ll do differently based on what you have learned.
Step 5: Share favorable stories.
When a person observes something unfavorable, this image gets stuck in their mind. Counter the negative perception by coming up with examples that present an alternative (and more accurate) perspective. If the other person views you as untrustworthy, come up with three or four stories illustrating your trustworthiness. These other stories help balance out a one-sided and limited perspective.
Step 6: Ask the person to give you another chance.
Explain that you sincerely desire to be given another chance to prove yourself. It’s not fair for you to be punished for something that doesn’t truly reflect your character. Get the person to take a risk on you and let you try again. The risk is minimal, with tremendous potential upside.
Step 7: Thank the person for their honesty and willingness to help you.
This is one of the best ways to enhance your reputation and dispel any misunderstandings. Expressing feelings of good will toward the other person can do wonders to clear the air and allow for a fresh start.
Now you have a plan for dispelling gossip when it’s about others, and dealing with it if it pertains to you. Proactively creating a culture that doesn’t support gossip will help protect you as well as your colleagues against unfair rumors.
Want more support in dealing with challenging colleagues? Contact Joel and find out how he can help you to develop fulfilling relationships with your coworkers. You can also get valuable feedback about the way you are perceived at work by completing Joel’s perception evaluation here. Read his book Difficult Conversations: Practical Tactics for Crucial Communication for in-depth advice on how to handle a variety of challenging situations.
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